- Hey!! What’s wrong? What is this look on your face?
- Leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you, please go
-Come on! You know I’m your friend and I just want to help
- No one can help me. No one can understand. I want no one in my life. You all want to hurt me, everyone. Please leave me alone. I’m not talking to anyone anymore
- You’re so angry. You’re so upset. Tell me what happened
- You want to know what happened. You want the truth? I’ll tell you. I’m the worst person on this planet. I don’t deserve to live. I’m a waste of time and space. I’m a waste of oxygen; that is what happened. I screwed up again because you managed to convince me that it was OK, that I was OK, well it wasn’t OK and it isn't OK and it will NEVER be OK.
- What are you talking about?
-She hates me. I know it. I feel it. Now she hates me. Everyone hates me. Whatever I do, I do it wrong. Whatever I say I say it wrong? Why do I have to be so stupid, please tell me why?
- You’re not stupid, and no one hates you. You know that
- No I don’t! They think I am different. They think I am strong. They love me for what they think I am, but once they see the truth, once they know who I am inside, they just run away. I would run away too. I don’t blame them. The more I try to change or make things better, the more I apologize and explain, the worse things become.
- You are different, everyone is. You are strong, one of the strongest people I know, and yes they love you for what they know you are; they love you because they know who you are inside. You are amazing. You are kind, loving, caring. That is what you are.
- Then, why do they all abandon me?
- No one is abandoning you. No one is running away from you. You are running away from others. You are running away from Love.
- How can I run away from Love when feeling loved is all that I need?
- It’s because you feel unworthy of that love, that’s why. You are so scared of being hurt, so scared they will stop loving you that it’s easier for you to imagine a problem, believe it, then create it to prove yourself right.
- I’m sorry
-Yes, you ought to apologize. Your negative thinking and your self-blame and self-judgment are constantly putting me down. You’re not allowing me to shine. You’re trying to hide me in the shadows of this negative image you created for yourself. Let me out, set me free, please. I need to live, you’re killing me.
- Do you think they would still love me if they can see you?
- They will still love you just as much and even more, trust me, because those who love you already know I’m there. They can feel me and know you’re just hiding me to try and protect me. I won’t get hurt, Please let me out.
- I want to. I really do but I’m so scared
- Don’t be scared. I will help you. They will all help you. You just have to make the first step.
- Can I get a hug?
- You want a hug? I LOVE you, silly ... you can have all the hugs you want from me FOREVER !
Oh, this is so powerful, Nikki! I absolutely loved the conversation between the ego and soul - you nailed it, my friend.
ReplyDeleteLove and blessings!
Thank you Martha!!!
DeleteI love it. I love how they switch up and get confused about who is who. This is spot on. This is why it is so hard to figure out how we feel, or what the preferred direction is. It's raw. I would love to hear your commentary on it!
ReplyDeleteIt's a discussion that happens a lot in my head, but now I know better how to calm the Ego and listen to the
DeleteThis is amazing, Nikky! You captured the pain and torment the ego inflicts. I recognize it. My ego has spoken like that, too, almost word for word. I love how you captured the soul and focused on it, too. Yes, the ego is loud and obstinate. The souls speaks quietly, but it's stronger than ego. This is a powerful emphasis on the struggle between the two and the ultimate strength of the soul.
ReplyDeleteThank you Tanya for this compliment! I would never know how to illustrate anxiety as well as you did in your last book! I love it!
DeleteThis is a wonderful illustration of the continual 'battle' betwixt the two halves of the person, Nikki ... congratulations. Pat.
ReplyDelete