ViVa La Musica

"You can shed tears that she is gone

Or you can smile because she has lived.

 You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,

Or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,

Or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her only that she is gone,

Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,

Or you can do what she'd want: Smile, Open your eyes, Love, and Go on."

David Harkins

(follow up to my previous post: I got My message)
Two days later.....
On Monday morning, the 22nd of April 2002, I went to work as usual. My boss, a very nice lady, asked me about mum, and for the first time I said with a smile:

"She's in hospital; the doctors said it's over".

"Why did you come? I will ask my driver to take you there now!"

"Oh no, it’s okay!" I said "I won't go. There is nothing I can do for her. Everyone else is there".

How could I tell her that I was scared to go? How could I explain that I was just running away? Trying to avoid being there at the last moment? I needed to be at work at that time, not to feel guilty, just to have an excuse, in order to pretend I am strong. I have faith. I am ready. That this was the Nikky they all knew. I was the one comforting them whenever I saw their tears for my mother.

You see, she was so special, and whoever met her once, just once, would feel really connected to her.

As soon as I was back at my desk, my sister called me and said: 


"The Doctor was here; it's just a matter of an hour or so, please come".

The whole family was in her room. Her face was pinched, her eyes were closed. Her breathing was slow and loud. She wasn't moving. When I sat beside her, my father came close, in tears, and sang: 


"Viva haha haha la musica, viva haha haha la musica..... Sing with me, sing with me now, please sing it for Nikky, you know she loves this song, sing with me, sing it for her ....." 


No movement, nor reaction from her side except a single tear that rolled down her face.

My sisters took my dad out to help calm him down. I stayed and held her hand. I suddenly heard her little voice say: 


"Vi...va... la mu....sica...... vi........va.... la mu.............sica".

My heart was running crazy, I was breathless, I called out "Dadddddyyyy come, come and listen to her ..." The singing had obviously exhausted her. The machine linked to her body started sounding an alarm and nurses came immediately into the room.

My father, two sisters and I all held her close together and said a prayer. The rest of the family joined us around the bed; we were all holding hands in a circle around her, praying as she gave her last breath. Her face turned automatically from a pinched, pale face into a pure, smiling and peaceful one. I kissed her forehead and left the room.

We decided to print a small little booklet where everyone could say a few words about her. This booklet was distributed to all the participants at the big Mass which we held to celebrate her life. This was my entry:

Thank you Lord, for the grace of choosing my mother, the most beautiful flower in your garden. Thank you for picking her quite late to give her enough time to prepare herself for meeting you, and soon enough to save her from additional physical pain.