Sisterhood Award: A smile in the dark

After all the progress I have done since last summer, and mainly since I started this Blog, I didn't think I would feel again as down, angry and depressed as I am today. It all started last week-end, and has been going worse day after day. I wonder why it feels sometimes like everything is going wrong? Why I seem some days to only attract negativity?

• Life at home was simply "hell' this week. 
• I faced two very big problems at work
• My eldest daughter didn't do well in her official exams. I'm not surprised as she was under so much stress and pressure with all the aggressiveness and violence at home during her exams time.
• Physical pain has been horrible, and all the pain killers I was taking didn't help at all.
• This month, last year, was a very bad one and a turning point in my life. The 19th of June is a date I will never forget.
• I took the biggest decision in my life, but I'm still not able to work on making it happen

For all these different reasons, I ignored my Blog, and lost interest in writing and reading. What has encouraged me to write a post tonight is just to express my gratitude to Erin who has nominated me for a new award. 

I'm taking this opportunity to thank you all for your support and understanding and to apologize for not being able to concentrate enough to read your lovely posts. I will be back as soon as I can.

I am really thankful to Erin from bellableuehealing for this Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award!

I can't remember how I first landed on Erin's Blogging space, but I clearly  remember the big influence Erin's words had on me. Her posts are very powerful and her words go straight to the heart.
What makes my visit to bellableuehealing very special is that I feel "home". The subjects treated, the positive energy I feel, the love sharing make it a very special space where I feel comfortable. The sisterhood award means a lot to me because Erin treats me as a sister, asking about me, caring and loving.

And these are the rules of the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award;

• Include the award’s logo in a post or on your blog.
• Share the love and link the person who nominated you.
• Tell 7 facts about yourself.
• Nominate 7 other fabulous bloggers.
• Link your nominees to this post and comment on their blogs, letting them know they have been nominated.

I'm supposed now to tell you 7 facts about myself. Since I am honestly not able yet to think about anything interesting to tell, I choose to tell you 7 symptoms that always indicate I'm going through one phase of severe depression in my usual chronic depression:

1. I can't stand any kind of physical contact with anyone, not even a hug from my children
2. Noise and movement around me become triggers of big anger and extreme irritability
3. I withdraw from everything: I stop answering phone calls, text messages, emails or any form of contact with others. I always appear offline as I'm unable to have a conversation with anyone.
4. I stop listening to music as I become too emotional;  I stop talking and start to communicate by writing  even with the people around me in the same room.
5. I get very easily overwhelmed, and feel so guilty about everything. I am now so angry at myself for not going through the blogs I love reading and all the email notifications I have.
6. I feel I need help and try to ask for it, but once it is offered, I don't take it because I don't feel I deserve it, I don't feel I'm worth it.  I'm afraid to show how bad things are, and to let anyone see "me" behind the mask.
7. I lose interest in everything including eating, sleeping, breathing...

Through all that , I still look at my first best friend in the mirror and tell her: " don't worry, hold my hand, walk with me, and I'll take you out of there....( I wonder why I feel I don't really believe "me"?)!

There are so many Blogs I want to mention, but the number is always limited. I have to nominate 7 blogs I love. I will try to choose ones  that I didn't get the chance to mention in my previous posts:

1. I stop for suffering , Meg
2. Aha-Now, Harleena Singh
3. Keeping Time, Emily
4. Every Day Gyaan, Corinne Rodrigues
5. Adverseuniverse, Roxy
6. Going A-Musing, Vidya Sury
7. 10 steps to finding Your happy Place ,  Galen Pearl

Thank you again for your patience. Although it seems very dark today, I know things will get better. It did before, and it will this time too.

Much love to each and everyone of you <3