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Thursday, May 24, 2012

I Miss You :(

Me: " I miss you".
Her: " How can you miss me when I'm here?"

It's not the first time I say those 3 words " I miss you", and it's not the first time I get that same reply, and I never reply back. What can I say that wouldn't sound ridiculous? How can I miss someone I am talking to, someone I'm in contact with 24/7? Yes, I say 24/7 and I mean it, because I believe I am strongly connected with my friends and I feel them close whenever I need them. I just need to call them in my mind and feel their presence.


What do I really mean by saying "I miss you"? What are the feelings hiding behind those three words? I think it has nothing to do with the person I am talking to. It has only to do with me, and the emptiness I still feel inside when i am not able to deal with a situation or with my life in general.
Telling a person that I miss her has always been accompanied by silent tears.

I miss you in my vocabulary means I feel lonely and I need your love. I need to be reminded that I am loved, that the lonely days are over. I need some comfort and reassurance like a child who waits for his mother to come and tuck him into his bed. That child knows that he is loved but he just waits for his mum to demonstrate her love.


I miss you can also mean I'm in pain and I don't know what to do. I miss you when I feel my chest so tight, and brings a lump in my throat. It means I know you are here and I'm thinking of you. Sometimes it means thank you for being here with me.

"I miss you " is the mask I wear when I have a lot to say and I don't know where to start.

"I miss you, although I know you are here."


72 comments:

  1. Dear Nikky,

    Thank you for sharing your heart with the world. Your path is a difficult one, it seems, but I wish you peace as you walk it. It is my pleasure to share some of the journey.

    Take care,

    Casey

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    1. Thank you Casey. No path is hard unless you go through it alone. Thank you for helping me by walking through it with me.

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  2. Yes, Nikky, we ARE here for you - so many of us! We love you, we care, and we listen. Your post is beautifully poignant, full of honesty and heartache. Know I am praying for you daily, my dear.
    Blessings!

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    1. Much love to you Martha!!
      I know you are here for me, not only through support in comments and prayers, but also through your Blog posts that are really making a difference!!

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  3. Yes, I miss you means what you said. It's so much more than I miss your company. It's I need comfort and love. I hope you can see that you have that right here from your readers!

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    1. Exactly, I never meant missing someone's company when saying I miss you. In fact what i look for in others goes beyond the physical presence. I do need someone to be physically with me, but I can directly remind myself of what is really important and it's the real connetion

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  4. I know what you mean and I send you some loving like I am tucking you in in loving blankets! I love that metaphor, so perfectly describes the sensation when I read the words.
    Love you,
    Jodi

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    1. Thank you Jodi!!! That makes me want to stay in those blankets!! I read your comment so many times already and I love the feeling. I can even visualize it.
      I'm also happy you understand what I mean because when I say I miss you, it is NEVER a blame to the person, never a way to say where were you when I needed you.
      Love you

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  5. Nikky, I know what you mean--I've thought that too with people who are with me.

    Your post is so insightful and full of wisdom. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. We ARE here for you, and I am sending you love and peace right now.

    <3
    Tina

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    1. You're a great friend Tina, and I feel your presence always through your understanding and love.
      Love you

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  6. I am here Nikki...always. You can email tweet whatever you want. Know that I am here with open arms. Xoxo

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    1. Same applies to you Kimberly!! One day we'll meet and I will come and take my promised Hug!!

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    1. Thank you so much Janaki!! Much love!

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  8. Oh Nikky, you always manage to touch me deeply with the way you frame your words. I know we're all around, but it's not the same as real being there for you - I wish it was different. But for now, we'll send you all the loving vibes we can.

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    1. Thank you Corinne. It's not the same but it is as beautiful and even more. Sometimes i really think it is better for me as I am a very shy person by nature and communicating with my friends through the screen makes me more comfortable to share things. In fact, I never shared with anyone face to face and that is what made my therapy sessions useless. Love you

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  9. I hope everything would fall into place. *virtual hug* If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to talk to me. :)

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    1. Thank you so much Umi. I read your comment and went directly to your page to get my Hug!

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  10. Hugs! from your virtual friend! I may not know you personally but I feel your post.

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    1. Thank you Irene. You said you feel my post and that is a true connection. Family and friends I meet everyday are not able to understand how I'm feeling, so we are not connected like I am with all of you here. Happy to be your friend!

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  11. I understand very well your "I miss you" sweet Nikky. Sometime it's the only think you can say and it says it all.
    Being here and opening your heart to us is so honest and brave. Know we are with you in this boat and we will always be. If I say I miss you is to say I would love to be able to hug you but I can't.
    Much love.xxxxx

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    1. You will give me that Hug one day Marie. I will keep dreaming of meeting you all till it happens!!
      I miss you says it all. I say it in my heart to my husband everyday. Love you

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  12. Nikky, your posts continue to be so beautiful, raw and vulnerable! This one touches my heart so deeply and I believe you have described it so well. I have often said that it feels loneliest when you are not alone but can't seem to feel filled inside with love, hope and comfort. I think that it helps us to learn to live ourselves more even though it's counter to how we would like it to happen! Sending you much love over land and sea! Keep writing, keep sharing!! xo

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    1. Thank you very much Amy for your nice words!!
      What you said here is so true. I have spent days completely alone at home and avoiding contact with anyone, and i was feeling fine and happy whereas yesterday for example I had around 30 people at home and felt so lonely.
      Much love!

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  13. NIkky. I am so glad that you posted this! It touches my heart and I can also see how many others you have touched. You are truly an inspiration to us all!
    Love you!

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    1. Love you too!!!
      You encouraged me to post this!! I know you understand what I mean by that, and I Miss you!!!

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  14. I have no words to say after reading this , am all choked up.

    Can just say : I miss you too Nikky :)

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    1. Thank you my friend. I know you understand. I miss you and love you <3

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  15. Aww Nikky...

    It takes ears to listen, but I think it takes an attentive heart to be able to read between the lines.

    I know what you're yearning for takes more actions than words, but I'll do my best...

    So here's a hug, a big and tight one, to let you know that you are loved and cared for... <3 <3 <3 *huuuug*

    God bless you, my dear <3

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    1. The love I am feeling is amazing Irene! When we meet someone in life, they might feel "forced" to listen to you and be around whereas on the blog and virtual world, if you are here now, it means you really care. That's how you make me feel. Your words makes me feel understood and loved. Thank you Irene.

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  16. Beautifully put Nicky. I relate to your words and know for myself that what I really miss are the parts of me that have been left behind.

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    1. exactly Brenda, those part of me that rare are the ones who want to see and accept. The part of me that has been ignored for so many years, ignored by my surrounding and ignored by myself!

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  17. I understand that feeling so well. With a friend who is there but unaware of how much I need to feel close and connected--it has happened before. Often saying "I miss you" in that context does lead to communication and, in he best cases, the desired connection. I am throwing in a big hug into the pot with all the other hugs I see above! :)

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    1. Thank you so much Lisa for being part of my circle of friends and family. I feel strongly connected with all of you and that makes my life so much easier. Love you

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  18. Nikky, lonely can be a very dark place but I'm happy that you found words to describe your feelings, even if no one else seems to know exactly what you mean. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that things get better for you.

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    1. Thank you Mary. sometimes it is hard to understand my own feelings, but whatever it is, the love I feel in all the responses here has made it so much better. I feel loved

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  19. I know what you mean. It's entirely possible to miss someone who is physically there. Missing is more about emotions than physical being. Feelings are what make us know love and acceptance.

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    1. Exactly Kelly. I can be all alone and happy or surrounded with people and sad.

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  20. I know that feeling. It's a lonely kinda feeling too. Much like longing but on the good side of it, it's that you enjoy that person and love them so much, you wish they could always be around.

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    1. True Totsy, and what makes it painful is that i was told many times that i am a dependent person and that it was the reason why I never had friends. That makes me always hesitate to get in touch with anyone.

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  21. It's so true. Many of us don't want to admit we still feel loneliness when we aren't alone. Most of us who are alone don't want to show how hard it is.

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    1. and those who don't know loneliness can't understand how deep those feelings are, and how painful they can be

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  22. What a great post, I really enjoyed it. I sometimes wish I could be more open in some of my posts, but I'm not always good at communicating my emotions. Maybe it's because I'm a guy, or something ha :D I'm glad I stumbled upon your blog!

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    1. welcome to my Blog Nate. I'm so glad you passed by and liked my post. I have visited and subscribed to yours as I loved it too. Keep coming, don't let me Miss you!!

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  23. You put this feeling into words so well. I've had that same experience, that lonesome longing for someone who's literally just right there, and I've often wondered what it means. This post was so wise and so insightful though; thank you!

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    1. Thank you very much Emily. If this post has helped in any way, that makes me really happy. Much love to you <3

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  24. Hi, Nikky! ~

    I often find your words to be wise in a refreshing way -- actually, I don't think you give yourself enough credit.

    My boyfriend and I recently spent some time away from each other because we both had things to accomplish in separate cities. Even though we spoke on the phone every day, I missed him terribly! I went through a very similar analysis of my feelings as yours here.

    I think I see you growing and healing right before my eyes...Is that possible??? XO

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    1. Thank you so much Linda!!
      I hope your boyfriend is back!
      You are right Linda. I am healing. Last year from June to end of July, I had the worst days of my life. If I think back at how I was feeling and compare with what I am feeling now, the difference is HUGE. I still have very bad days, but it doesn't last. I am different. I am Me now, not what they have made of me.

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  25. Nikky,

    Sometimes those words are uttered mainly to myself when I reflect on my life after the passing of Erin...At times it seems I'm a totally different person or a shell with a hollow core. There's no magic switch to flip or words of inspiration just a knowing that the real me will emerge one day just like the caterpillar breaks free from its cocoon. I hope you find who you're seeking!! Take care!!

    Blessings to you, David

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    1. Your words are so touching David. There is a lot of sadness in your heart, but I also feel serenity and acceptance.
      Thank you David, stay strong <3

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  26. Insightful post, the "I miss you" is something I can relate too. i agree that it is not always what it seems, being wise enough to discern that is beautiful for you.

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    1. Thank you very much Jan.I have learned over the years to analyse my own feelings and emotions. I have always wanted to understand where each emotion comes from, and it really helps when one can understand.

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  27. I loved what you said... I often write that in my status... just guess who it is I'm missing so much ;)

    It does have many meanings. You are very sincere and courageous to unmask your true feelings :) It's not very easy to make oneself vulnerable before other people.

    I hug you Nikky...know that you are loved :*

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    1. Thank you so much Melissa. You're right it's not easy to show the true feelings, but it is so rewarding.
      I feel real love in all your comments and that makes me so happy.
      Much love <3

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  28. Patricia EastwoodMay 27, 2012 at 6:43 AM

    We love you, Nikky ... so very, very much ...
    You give of yourself, wholesale, within the frame of this blog, as well as on the facebook pages.
    God Bless you.
    Pat. XXXX

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    1. And I love you too Pat, much much more than You know <3 <3 <3

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  29. I really related to this.....I have been missing someone I was once close to. I have been grieving the loss of this friendship, and it is painful to see this person and have no contact. Thanks for sharing. xoxo, Missy

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    1. I know Missy, it's hard. I was also grieving the loss of a special friendship, but now I consider myself over it, because I lost one friend, but found so many others and found myself back.Much love <3

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  30. --I. Love. You. Nikky.

    & I Hear You.

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  31. Nikky, I know exactly what you mean. A hug is always waiting for you, from me! Love!

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    1. Thank you so much Vidya my friend. A HUG is always welcome :)

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  32. Yes, I miss you can mean so many different things. Often the meaning is in whom those words are spoken to.

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    1. Absolutely Sandy, you are right. It depends on the person. Much love <3

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  33. Beautiful. Most of all I am glad to see you are hanging in there yourself. You'll find your way... we all can, you know. We all can.
    ((((HUGS))))

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    1. Thank you so much my friend. All the encouragement is what keeps me strong to fight. Thank you for believing in me. <uch love and Hugs <3

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  34. Nikky, missing someone is like feeling a part of you is gone. But like you say, it's also feeling lonely and yearning to connect with the person. I find myself missing my family daily. Yes, we talk on the phone a lot, but it's never the same. I'm so happy to see the progress you are making, lady! Keep going, friend! :)

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    1. It's not easy Bella to be away from your family. My family is not with me, but to be honest I don't miss them. I miss my friends much more. I love my family very much, but I never felt their presence anyway. You miss someone who used to be there, not someone who never was.

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  35. I have been out of touch lately with my blog reading. I know exactly what you mean by saying "I miss you" Sometimes it is so difficult to expose your true feelings. I miss you can mean so many more things. God bless you Nicole. We are there for you to unburden your heart whenever you want to.

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    1. Thank you so much Rimly. You're a great support <3

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