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Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Positive, positive, positive

I wasn't able for the last couple of days, to be online. I'm not doing very well for many different reasons. Sometimes reading helps me, recently writing is helping too. The love and support I am receiving from all of you through this Blog or on Facebook is amazing. Sometimes, things get harder, and even those activities seem impossible. Today I am struggling very hard to stay positive, but I know I WILL do it, because I am stronger than the pain, and my love is stronger than the negativity I have around me.

Since I am not really able to write, and because I want to remind myself that being positive is a choice, I will share with you a Blog Post I have written for a great Blog Echoes. My friend Samar invited me to write something for her Blog. This post Positive, Positive, Positive, was published on echoes on the 21st of April.


I am thinking positive. I decided it and I’m doing it!

When I sleep, it’s positive, I need to rest
When I don’t sleep, it is positive; I’m not running away from my problems anymore
When I eat it is positive, I got back my appetite
When I don’t eat it is positive, I will lose weight
When I cry it is positive, I can finally express my emotions
When I don’t cry it is positive, I’m strong enough
When I work it is positive, I keep myself busy
When I don’t work it is positive, I deserve some rest
When I’m calm it is positive, I’m not vulnerable anymore
When I’m not calm it is positive, I am learning to react

But why can thinking positive make me feel negative? 

My diary entry on September 16, 2007

I was diagnosed with severe depression at the age of 13. I was given treatment that I never took for longer than two or three months. My parents were in denial, and didn't believe I needed any treatment or any doctor's visit. Maybe they were right, I don't know, maybe I was never depressed, but I am sure that their reaction was not the good one to have. Telling me that the doctors are stupid, that nothing is wrong with me, that i'm just a "stupid owl " who enjoys sleepless nights and crying and complaining was certainly not the best way to deal with me. I have heard my father tell my mother so many times:" you throw her now in a madhouse, I don't want her home". All I wanted was to be home, to feel home, to be accepted at home.
Doctor's advice was always to take my medicine as prescribed, and stay positive, think positive, act positive, be positive, but without any further explanation. How can you ask a person living in hell to see the positive side of life, if you don't show her a good example? 
Negative facts of life can't be transformed. Your tears of sadness won't become tears of joy, the death of a loved one will never be a happy experience, BUT the secret is in accepting the bad as well as the good, accepting the hard times that come with the beautiful ones. Accept your life and live it to the fullest despite your problems.


Being positive is not deny what is negative, it's just living it and learning from it.



43 comments:

  1. Loved it both places. Thinking of you!

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    1. Thank you Jodi <3
      Thinking of you, two simple words that makes a BIG change, because it means that I exist, that someone cares. Love you <3

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  2. This is a very hard one to deal with because, as you say, when you're in hell how can you feel positive? My mum suffers from depression, as do a number of other people I know, and sometimes it is very difficult for them to see the positive side of things. What you say about living and learning from it is true, you do have to accept what you have, warts and all. You're far from being alone though, a friend told me the other day that statistics show 1 in 3 people on the planet will suffer from depression at some time in their lives. Having it at that young age must have been especially difficult though, it's a lot to deal with at 13.
    Incidentally, thank you for leaving a comment on my 'A nice cup of tea' blog. I have no idea how to reply to comments on there, I can't even see them unless I go to the dashboard (see how hopeless I am with Blogger!) but I did appreciate you leaving it, thank you, and just wanted to let you know I'd seen it.

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    1. Thank you very much for passing by my blog and leaving this kind comment. I have a very long history with depression, and it became like part of who I am. It's true that so many people are suffering from depression. This is so sad. There is lack of communication I think, and its one of the main reasons.
      I was following your Blog on wordpress for some time now, but I didn't know about that other one on Blogger. If you need any help with it, just let me know

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    2. Thank you Nikky, I think you've hit the nail on the head with the lack of communication comment, that is a very big problem in these days when we all lead such independent lives.

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  3. I think some people think depression is just feeling down and you should just pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get on with life. That is what my family told me..like I was choosing that dark cloud that hung over me. I guess you have to experience depression to know its hold on a person. Seeing the positive can be difficult but it also sad that I can look back and see years that passed by without me having joy in them. I hope to read more from you..you are insightful.

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    1. Thank you very much Krystal. You are right and no one can understand unless they felt the same. I even had this discussion with my psychiatrist and I told him, don't pretend to understand as you just don't get it. They learn about it in books, but they dont know how it feels.

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  4. A positive outlook is important for all of us to develop. Living with depression certainly does not make this easy in the least.
    Nikky, I admire your courage and honesty.
    This is a thought-provoking and touching post.
    Blessings!

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    1. Thank you very much Martha. I finally found the courage to speak about it because now I have friends ready to listen. Thank you for being one of them. Much love

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  5. My heart goes out to you. I'm glad that you can write about this and feel support from those around you, in person and online. Blessings to you and hopes for a better day tomorrow. And the next....

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    1. Thank you very much Galen. Today is a little better, and tomorrow will just be better again. I have to believe in that.

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  6. I love your delineation of positive things, they way you chose to see things from a positive perspective. Hugs to you Nikki. Depression is such a difficult thing to live with. But I assure you, it can be healed. Thanks for sharing and please take care.

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    1. To be honest Myrna, I stopped believing it can be healed as I have tried everything, all treatments available, but I can live with it, and learn from it. Some days are very hard, but I hope I will never give up!

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  7. I understand how hard. it is to be positive sometimes. Push through and you will find brighter days ahead.

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    1. Thank you Sandy. I am trying to think of it this way. I try to convince myself that it can't be worse. It will be either the same or better, and in both cases, I can handle it

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  8. Nikky, I love the way you show that any situation can be positive--being calm, not being calm, sleeping, not sleeping . . .

    I'm sorry you had such a poor support system when you were diagnosed with depression. I, too, was depressed and had OCD even as a child. My parents did little to help me. They never took me to a psychiatrist. I was not "officially" diagnosed until I was 26. It's so difficult to not have others' support, to have people think there's nothing wrong with you when you're in despair.

    I am thinking about you and hoping you feel better soon.

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    1. Thank you Tina. I'm sorry you suffer from depression too, but you are not fighting it alone. I can see how many persons are suffering from it now, and we are all supporting each other. I find that amazing. Love you

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  9. a terrifically positive post :) I too have negative expewriences to deal with but the secret is in acceptance: it is the way of Buddhism and I have taken much comfort and strength from this. However if you have been prescribed medication it may not be a bad thing to take it. It may make your journey more endurable

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    1. Taking medication John is now for me a big problem. I lost trust in my doctors. I am aware that I need medications, as things are going worse day after day, but I\m too hesitant to see the doctor again :(

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  10. Keep being positive sweetie! Really inspirational post. Keep your head up, ok?

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    1. Thank you very much. You made me smile. Much love <3

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  11. As usual, your writing skills are truly magnificent. keep positive. ..no matter what..good advice for all of us.

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  12. Being positive is not deny what is negative, it's just living it and learning from it. <--Nikki, this is beautifully said and very true!

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  13. Thank you for letting us see things from your perspective, Nikky. However, from my interaction with you, you seem so positive and outgoing.

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    1. Thank you Corinne. Yes, I am positive and will be always from now on. I hope so. I'm not alone now. I have friends. i have love and support. That is great! Thank you for being my friend

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  14. Nikky,
    This is amazing. Such words of wisdom. Thanks again for putting yourself on the page for all to see. I love you blog.

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    1. Thank you so much Brenda!!
      All the nice comments help me keep going!
      Much love

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  15. I like the Positive Post that you shared. There is always something to be thankful for. I am always reminding my girls happiness is about training our brain ;) Although, sometimes it is easier said than done. I have family members that have suffered from anxiety and depression. My thoughts are with you! :)

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    1. Thank you very much. Depression and anxiety are awful things to suffer from, but one thing is sure, Love is the cure. I am experiencing that. A simple act of love from a friend, can make the whole difference

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  16. Nikky, sorry you're going through a challenging time. I think if you TRY to have a positive attitude, it will always help, but of course that's much easier said than done.

    Sending love and best wishes to you, now and always.

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    1. Thank you Beverly. I am trying, always and I will keep trying. I refuse to believe there are limits to what i can handle. Much love

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  17. --Nikki,
    sometimes it's SO hard to be positive, isn't it?

    My new mantra is: One. Moment. At. A. Time.

    That's all I can stand.

    Love flowing to you from MN.

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    1. It is Kim, you are right, it is very hard, but there is help through love. A short message like "I'm thinking of you" or a 2 minutes chat like we had, gives me back some energy. Love you.

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  18. Nikky, I think "Accept your life and live it to the fullest despite your problems" is the best practical advice for mental health and fulfillment.
    I am sorry to hear that you are having a hard time, but I admire your outlook so much.
    Thinking of you, hope it gets better.

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    1. Thank you Lisa. Like Kim has said in her comment, I too am living one moment at a time. Much love

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  19. Oh Nikky you are such a brave one and so much wisdom for such a young soul. I am so glad you are trying to focus on the positive. It is not very easy but if you keep at it you will see only the positive even in the negative.You are doing a great job and I love your positive poem. Take care young one. Following you now.

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    1. Thank yo very much Rimly for passing by and following my Blog. I have followed yours too :)
      So glad to connect :)

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  20. Patricia EastwoodMay 4, 2012 at 6:32 AM

    Nicole ... You are as far from being a young soul as Paris is from Rome. As a child you gave out non-judgemental love equally, to stranger and to neighbor as well as family. From small childhood you channelled advice from beyond without being aware of what you were doing and you have used your healing abilities freely whenever you have found a need.
    I worked hard to learn to do these things which you do automatically.

    Put your trust and faith in God, please ... for this is where your Soul is strongly connected.

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    1. Pat, thank you for finding that part of me that I have lost so long ago!!! I love you so much

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  21. Nikky, I love the positive perspective you present in this post. While I know that it isn't always easy, you are demonstrating that the will to change is a strong one. Dealing with depression is a lifelong activity. There are good days and not so good days but I think connecting with so many people is very productive and helpful. You are establishing a net of support, one you can lean on when things get rough. Keep the faith, lady. :)

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    1. Thank you Bella. I never thought I might one day have so many friends who care and are ready to help me. That brings tears of joy every time I read a comment and feel the love. Thank you very much.

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